This morning I was very emotional. So many things in my heart, on my mind, on the never-ending 'to-do' list. I was a bit of a basket case. After tearing up on the way to work, I asked God to help me be strong knowing that tearing up in front of preschool kiddos would leave me tied up in the closet with them running around like crazy monkeys!
See I had a plan this morning to get up, read my Bible, do my study for Good Morning Girls, and share with my group. Check. I had a plan to get the girls up and have a great morning with them surprising them with the fact that I'd bring them lunch and eat with them today. NO check. The argument of who wanted what and requests started for me to go to 2 places after work when I'd barely get there in the first place. What was left of my emotional stability left with my perfect plan and I prayed desperately for us all to have a good day through tears as I dropped them off at school before heading to work.
Work was ok - my 2nd class all but did tie me up and they certainly ran around like crazy monkeys! But lunch with my girls was nice and they ate everything (and on record for those wanting to keep me accountable, I will not EVER go to 2 places to pick up lunch for them again). I was able to be home a couple hours and get a few things done before getting them & heading to P's twirling lesson. To help my sanity, Chris took S to soccer & I stayed home with P so I could get a few more things done & play games with her (something we both enjoy).
This weekend, while in the car, Chris played a song for me. I liked the melody and was glad to have it on my phone now. Tonight I needed a release...I needed to get out and walk/jog (yes I even jogged a bit)...and I was listening to praise music on my phone. It came to this new song and I was overcome with the emotions from my day. Instead of crying, I looked up to the Heavens, raised my hands, & started singing my heart out while jogging (thank you dear Lord that it wasn't National Night Out!). The song is Need You Now (How Many Times) by Plumb. The chorus is this:
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
In the past 7 years, I have had a few instances where I could literally feel God breathing for me...a few times where I literally cried out to God because I was drowning in life's circumstances and couldn't do 'this' on my own! No matter what it was...Chris' illness, my Daddy's death, etc...I needed God. He didn't always take it away like I prayed for (i.e. Chris is still sick, but he can eat, work, & live a relatively normal life), but He took it! I know that bad things happen to good people - we live in a fallen world full of sinners - but I'm so overjoyed that I have a loving, faithful, gracious, forgiving, perfect Father who is there for me every step of the way.
Any day, any time.
Today I needed God more than I have in a while and He was there for me (along with the most amazing mentor I could ask for who happened to give birth to my husband!). So who cares that I might have embarrassed myself singing out loud through the neighborhood tonight (yes Chris could hear me before I walked in the door - haha)? Who cares if I ate ice cream even though I was already full tonight and then realized I needed to walk/jog to keep from eating more? I'm a sinner, I fail, but I have God on my side to walk with me with every single step I take and I will spend eternity with Him in Heaven with no tears, no pain...only the sweet sounds of Giggles from Heaven to hear.
Tammy Jones
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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